You may be wondering what a Cold Opening is. Well, sometimes it’s called a teaser, it’s the first little bit of the show that’s before credits of a TV show that sometimes has to do with the story but doesn’t have to. Every TV genre does cold openings: in Sci-fi there’s Heroes and Battlestar Galactica, Drama has Law and Order/CSI (pick either one here), in the WTF genre there’s Lost, and in Comedy there’s Family Guy and Futurama.
I will now be displaying for your pleasure, the top 10 Family Guy Cold Openings that are available on DVD (I couldn’t find the ones from the current season). There’s been twenty total cold openings (minus the Road to Somewhere and the Viewer Fan Mail episodes since they were a different format) in the first 4 seasons. But first, 4 Honorable Mentions:
Honorable Mention #1
“Teletubbies” - Episode 01-05 - A Hero Sits Next Door
Famous for having the quote: “When the world is mine, your death should be quick and painless.” People like that quote, so it’s on here. It beat out the trip to the zoo because of that line.
Honorable Mention #2
You know that tub where you take your baths… - Episode 01-06 - The Son Also Draws
If babies could talk while they walk in on their parents having sex… When I did, I was like Ewww…
Honorable Mention #3
“Eight is Enough” - Episode 01-07 - Brain: Portrait of a Dog
Parental abuse is always funny. Look at Stewie’s reaction at the end.
Honorable Mention #4
“Dennis Miller Live” - Episode 03-14 - Peter Griffin: Husband, Father…Brother?
I consider myself a pretty smart guy, but I’m with Peter on this one. Rant? (If anyone can explain what Dennis Miller is saying, I’ll give you a prize. Not a crappy prize, but a good one. Seriously). Just think: he was on “Monday Night Football” making jokes. Good call on the color commentary.
Now, on with the list:
#10 - I Need an Adult! - 02-17 - He’s too Sexy For His Fat
This cold opening has something for everyone. My favorite part (a joke repeated later in the episode) is the “I need an adult,” line. But there was something there for everyone (James Cain beating women to Japanese Acupuncturists with a Scottish Accent who can’t read English).
#9 - “The Brady Bunch” - 01-01 - Death Has a Shadow
The first cold opening in the first episode sets the tone for the entire series. You didn’t get that opening, you wouldn’t get the series. If only “The Brady Bunch” actually was like that, it might have lasted more years.
#8 - “The Joy of Painting” - 02-12 - Fifteen Minutes of Shame
You ever watch “The Joy of Painting?” He seemed too happy all of the time; so I could see him flip out like that and really cut some one. Like he hadn’t gotten his shipment of hemp for the week. “The Family Ties” tie-in was classic.
#7 - Mentos - 01-04 - Mind over Murder
Must kill Lincoln…
#6 - Mr. Rogers - 02-04 - Brian in Love
I’ve had dreams like this: killing someone and all of their make believe loved ones only to wake up and have that person kill me, only to wake up in a pool of blood and realize… Maybe I should stop eating those brownies that I get at work from that painting show.
#5 - Sherry and the Anus - 02-19 - The Story on Page One
Do I even need to explain why this one is great? No, didn’t think so. Especially with that hamster line.
#4 - “Law and Order” - 04-02 - Fast Times and Buddy Cianci, Jr. High
I love “Law and Order,” my old roommate hated it; though he did like this opening. He also liked Napoleon Dynamite, so that tells you something…
#3 - Last Time… - 03-02 - Brian Does Hollywood
The best “Old” Family Guy cold opening. It’s so cliche it’s amazing. Almost every action/drama/cop show has used at least one of those as a cliffhanger (like 24). Everything keeps building then you finish it with “He’s gone to Hollywood to find himself!” which in the series of events seems so anti-climatic but the only conclusion.
#2 - Cancelled!?! - 04-01 - North by North Quahog
The renewell of “Family Guy” started with this Cold Opening, proving that Fox’s Executives are idiots (except for 24 and American Idol). The shows Peter lists all debuted on Fox and canceled between the time Family Guy left the air and when it came back. Those shows are (thanks to Wikipedia.org):
- Dark Angel
- Titus
- Undeclared
- Action
- That 80’s Show
- Wonderfalls
- Fastlane
- Andy Richter Controls the Universe
- Skin
- Girls Club
- Cracking Up
- The Pitts
- Firefly
- Get Real
- FreakyLinks
- Wanda at Large
- Costello
- The Lone Gunmen
- A Minute With Stan Hooper
- Normal, Ohio
- Pasadena
- Harsh Realm
- Keen Eddie
- The $treet
- American Embassy
- Cedric the Entertainer
- The Tick
- Luis
- Greg the Bunny
Note: Greg the Bunny had Seth Green, who’s Chris’ voice in Family Guy. Guess he wanted to work for a show that wasn’t going to get canceled…
#1 - Naked Gun - 04-14 - PTV
This one is special in many ways. One: Seth McFarlane was almost killed in 9/11, so there’s that bin Laden tie-in. Two: if you have ever filmed something before, you know that your actors will be just like that. you want them to do something serious, but they start cracking up and start joking for a while. You just have to let them be and get their silliness out. Three: It’s the Naked Gun movie and intro. How pimp is that? Four: That won’t be the last time you see Peter and Homer together on this page.
Did I leave any out (besides the new season?) If I did, tell me.
Greg the bunny was an amazing show and just like family guy should have never been canceled just came before its time sadly =( and they had to strip out so much of the original content that was in it on the Independent version =(
I liked Greg the Bunny as well; some of Eugene Levey’s best work. That, and it had a foul-mouthed bunny, which is always funny. I looking at you Bugs.
The Dennis Miller rant in fact does make no sense. It starts out as an analogy of an event that would make absolutely no sense.
“Beowulf having sex with Robert Fulton at the First Battle of Antietam”
Beowulf –> Hero of an ancient Anglo-Saxon epic
Robert Fulton –> U.S. engineer/inventor credited with creating the first commercially successful steam powered ship
First Battle ofAntietam –> A famous battle of the Civil War. There was also only one battle of Antietam and it is notable for being the bloodiest day in American history.
The next comment makes clear that he intended that example to show that the combination listed before is as improbable a combination as the current administration and its views
“I mean when a neo-Conservative defenstrates…”
Neo-Conservative –> American political philosophy, in general conservatism but more focused on federal government than on state government
Defenstrate –> To throw out of a window; also it is a transitive verb and requires something that is thrown out of the window, thus starting the point where the rant ceases to make sense and is merely a string of intellectual word-drops
“…it’s like Raskolnikov filibuster deoxymonohydroxinate”
Raskolnikov –> The protagonist of the Russian novel Crime & Punishment. He is arrogant but poor and kills a woman because he believes himself above the common morality
Filibuster –> A Senatorial delaying tactic. It allows for a member of the Senate (U.S. I don’t know about others) to orate for as long as he can in order to delay a vote on an issue.
Deoxymonohydroxinate –> Obviously a chemical compound
The sequence makes absolutely no sense and is a rip on pseudo-intellectuals who drop pointlessly large words and obscure references into their statements in order to give them the air of the authority of knowledge.
Dude, I heart you. Either you’ve said this before, or you really wanted that prize. E-mail me (you can find it on my Author’s Page) and I’ll ship out your prize.
I still think the best Cold Opening from the family guy is the one with the Ah-Ha video. I almost soiled myself when I saw it.
Sped, that’s in the actual show, not a cold opening. Otherwise, yes, that would be on here.
Do I win anything for actually reading Beowulf in College? Its not complete and pretty boring I thought. I should get something.
Matt, you get my love. But not my body, yet…
Wait till tomorrow night..
Deoxymonohydroxinate is’nt even a legit compound. Its bassicly a round about way oh saying water. Deoxy refering to the compound contaning less oxygen then any thing else and mono hyrodxy would be one molocule of an oxygen hyrdogen comound. the suffix they use then refers to infusing this compund into somthing.
DJ, well, then it fit to what Waterman (ironic?) was saying about using big made up words. Thanks to your help as well…
Gotta love the similarities to the Bobby’s World opener in PTV, plus the parallels between the rubber chicken fight sequence and that of Yoda and Dooku in Star Wars…
For reference:
Bobby’s World - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t6xqamEd8s0
Star Wars - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oVhkIBW9_PE
That was one of my favorite episodes of Family Guy.
Deoxymonohydroxinate is just hydrogen. Monohydroxy = OH. Which is redundant because Hydroxyl = OH, no need for ‘Mono’. DEOXYMonohydroxy = H. The nomenclature makes no sense, which fits into the idea that he’s making fun of Dennis Miller for trying to sound smarter than he is.
ummm. by far the best one you missed… it was when stewie opened the fridge….”lets see, soda, purple stuff….AHH ALRIGHT!!! SUNNY D!!!!!!!!!”
by far the best one
Does anyone else realize that in the Cold Opening ranked #2 Family Guy creators missed one of the best shows on Fox which ran for only one season? The name of that show was John Doe.
Connor -
After going through my Family Guy Episodes, sadly the “Sunny D” joke was right after the credits, hence, not a Cold Opening. I like that joke as well, but does not qualify
What a fantastic list. You just got yourself another reader!!
What about this http://youtube.com/watch?v=hD508Z43pgU
Sorry because is in spanish but i couldn’t find it in english.
The japanese doctors accent was irish, not scottish. However it was a good post that i found most humorous. And although the accent doesn’t actually amke any difference, i just thought id point it out.
Aw man I went to all the trouble of looking up all those things on wikipedia and SOMEONE ELSE KNEW IT!!!
Ah well. At least now I know who Rodion Romanovich Raskolnikov is.
Octavio -
That’s the clips from the Stewie Griffin Story from the straight to DVD movie they did. I knew they split it into three shows, but did not watch them since I had seen it on DVD. Though done in the 24 style, it just recapped the earlier episodes, so it might have gotten an honorable mention.
dtags -
Glad to have you
Bradd -
Yeah, well, fair enough. I’m not perfect.
Laim -
Glad to help…
Am I the only one who had trouble with the sound in the last few clips? Otherwise, great list.
Yeah Chris, I had problems with the audio on the last few, but I refreshed the page and they worked fine after that.
BTW, awesome list!
lolz.. good movies
enjoyed it!
I think “The Wateman” is too smart to get the joke on Dennis Miller. When I watch the clip I am like “what the hell did he just say?” It’s funny to me because I know he is referencing stuff but I never read Beowulf and can’t remenber Antietam and who the hell is Robert Fulton?
Perhaps so atatude, although couldn’t it be a joke that functions on multiple levels? To the average person it’s funny because most people have no idea as to the esoterica he references, but to those who do get it, it’s still funny because it makes absolutely no sense and is a guy pretending to know more than he does.
where’s the osama / naked gun opening??
Rob -
Um, Number 1.
Actually, what makes the Dennis Miller “rant” so funny is that Dennis tends to make references and connections that HE finds amusing, but which other people don’t get or don’t understand. Classic example of this is his color commentary accompanying footage of a football player who trips and falls down while running down the field. Dennis delivers the line, “and…he’s tackled by Claude Rains!” — which is funny, but only if you know who Claude Rains was.
In the Naked Gun opening, while Stewie is driving through Oz, did anyone notice the munchkin hanging from the tree in the background?
Waterman you are so right and you function on many levels.
“The Joy of Painting”
My favorite- although it was very close.
I really enjoyed all of those! I don’t normally watch the show - but those were funny! haha
HA HA yes I remember the Fox Feux Pas cancellations mentioned on the cold opening by peter. I laughed my kashtooka off! FIREFLY ROCKS!