I present: If They Fought to the Death. In each article I’ll pit two TV shows against each other to the death. Yes, it sounds a little like Celebrity Deathmatch but these are with shows, not just celebrities.
Anyway, they would be put in a stadium (you know like that picture The Running Man, only less running), and the field would be littered with rock, and landscapes, and things you would find in nature, maybe ever a weapon or two. They would be left to their own devices, using their intelligence, or lack there of, and strength, or lack there of. Paired off (one person/thing versus person/thing) by their role in the family or show, I predict the match-up for will win. The TV show with the most wins, um wins. If there’s a tie, the remaining characters will fight to the death.
Again.
EDIT: Here’s the deal that some people seem to be missing: this is not saying which show is better, they each have their merits (Simpsons being the classic comedy while Family Guy is wacky comedy). This is that argument that guys in comic book stores have all the time: who would win in a fight. I think Batman is cooler than Superman, but if they fought, Batman wouldn’t have a chance. That’s this article here. If you want to talk about how The Simpsons haven’t been funny in years or that Family Guy rips off Simpsons (with the titles of these match-ups I think that there might be some common themes), that’s fine, but that’s not the point of this post.
Just telling you that these might be a little graphic, and I don’t condone anyone to actually take these actions. Thanks lawyers! Also this one might be rather long, just a heads up.
In the debut battle, I present the two Fox Juggernauts of animated Comedy: The Simpsons and Family Guy. The Simpsons have been on longer than any other primetime show while Family Guy was canceled twice, yet brought back to life by fans buying 1,000,000 DVD’s a piece. People have accused Family Guy from ripping off The Simpsons, and now, visa versa. In our first battle, we will have more rounds then I believe will ever fight on these hallowed grounds. Sit back, grab a Duff or Pawtucket Pat and we will settle this once and for all: The King of Celebrity Guests, or the King of Flashback Humor.
The Simpsons are on your left.
Family Guy is on your Right.
Now let’s get it on! I mean, um, Go!
The Father
Homer Jay Simpson vs. Peter Griffin
Both of these father figures are fat, dumb, lazy, and drunk; how could any body get them confused with each other? After trading punches for a while, they end up in the stands and come across a beer vendor, beat him up for the liquor and end up getting a buzz. Of course, they forget about their fight to the death and end up trashing the other beer vendors getting hammered and suddenly find themselves on the third level laughing and heckling their families. All of a sudden, Peter leans over the edge too far and Homer tries to help is drinking buddy only to not be able to pull him up, getting dragged over the edge as well. They both fall several hundred feet to their death, splat, like that man in Naked Gun.
Winner: Um, neither. (0-0-1)
The Mother
Marjorie “Marge” Simpson (née Bouvier) vs. Lois Griffin (Pewterschmidt)
While Marge can be tough, I don’t think she can handle the beat down that Lois can give; after all, Lois has been the victim of years of spousal abuse. After Lois tastes first blood, it’s all over from there, as she tears a branch off a tree (with a beehive for ironic effect) and beats her with it.
Winner: Lois (0-1-1)
Oldest Child
Bartholomew Jojo “Bart” Simpson vs. Megan Griffin
Let’s see: Bart, who gets into trouble all the time, or Meg, who is sweet and innocent. Meg will just think Bart is trying to get a date, but finds that the sling-shot in Bart’s back pocket is good for shooting her eyes out with rocks. Then the other end of the slngshot is good at stabbing her in the neck.
Winner: Bart (1-1-1)
Middle Child
Lisa Marie Simpson vs. Christopher Griffin
Lisa, who’s as smart as Steven Hawking, and Chris, who you can distract with a piece of aluminum foil battle, but it won’t be a fair match. Sure, Chris’ heart is big, but he gets embarrassed by a girl talking to him. Then there’s Lisa, who wouldn’t hurt a fly, doesn’t see the point to this exercise and objects it. Bart comes in, and whacks Chris in the back of the head with a rock, and Lisa runs away crying. Kinda unfair, but you knew she was going to win…
Winner: Lisa/Bart (2-1-1)
Youngest Child
Margaret “Maggie” Simpson vs. Stewart Gilligan Griffin
Maggie hasn’t said more than 2 words for like 15 years, while we don’t know if people can understand Stewie. Of course Stewie would love the chance to kill something, and if it’s a baby with a pacifier, I don’t see him objecting. It’s not like Maggie can protector herself (The “Who Shot Mr. Burns” two-parter with standing). Do you really want me to explain the infanticide?
Winner: Stewie (2-2-1)
Pets
Snowball and Santa’s Little Helper Vs. Brian
A dumb cat and dog who can’t understand English vs. a dog that’s smarter than most people. And talks. And drinks. And loves Lois… Not that that has to do with the fight, but, come on…
Winner: Brian (2-3-1)
Grandparents
Abraham Jay “Grampa” Simpson vs. Francis Griffin
Grampa Simpson is senile, like most AARP members, and Francis is, well, ok, he’s senile too. But Francis is a tough son of a bitch. Grampa flinches if the lights turn on too quickly. Another “brawl” turns into one of the most one-sided fights ever as demonstrated by Robot Chicken:
Winner: Francis (2-4-1)
Rich Old People
Montgomery Burns vs. Carter Pewterschmidt
Mr. Burns is older than sin and his heart hasn’t beat in 10 years. While Mr. Pewterschmidt isn’t in the best of shape, he can just push Mr. Burns down and break every bone in his body (Thanks Unbreakable!). So, when Mr. Burns is fleeting like a turtle and all hope is lost, Mr. Wayland Smithers jumps down from the stands and reveals the gun he’s sneaked in, shooting Mr. Pewterschmidt in the back of the head, killing him. Mr. Smithers takes Mr. Burns in his arms and carries him to safety, all while Mr. Burns is complaining that he could have taken care of himself.
Winner: Mr. Smithers, well not his heart (3-4-1)
News Reporter
Kent Brockman vs. Mr. Tucker
They’re both too busy trying to report on the action to fight; each trying to get the exclusive on the winner. When explained that they would have to fight each other, they both responded “And mess up this amazing hair?” Then Kent wrapped his microphone cord around Tom’s neck and choked him. He interviewed himself after the victory.
Winner: Kent Brockman’s Hair (4-4-1)
Neighbors
Ned Flanders vs. Joe Swanson
Ned Flanders completely believes in the Bible, so killing isn’t in his nature. But he climbs into the stands after Joe chases him in his wheelchair, Ned uses “The cripple’s natural enemy” to his advantage: the wall. Everything is a-diddly-ok until the crowd pushes him back into the arena. He yells something about how God will save him like he did with Jonathan, but no one can understand him as Joe runs over him with his wheelchair, crushing his skull.
Winner: Joe (4-5-1)
Police Officers
Chief Clancy Wiggum vs. Joe Swanson
Then Chief Wiggum jumps down into the arena, not knowing what’s going on, fires a shot to try and get everyone to stop. Of course, being Chief Wiggum, he didn’t point the gun straight up, but right at Joe, hitting him in the chest. Wiggum laughs with embarrassment and tries to scale the wall, running away from the “crime scene.” But being too short and fat, he can’t climb out, for now…
Winner: By complete accident, Chief Wiggum (5-5-1)
Overweight Slow Friend
Barney Gumble vs. Cleveland Brown
Barney’s just drunk, and Cleveland doesn’t get mad all that often. He doesn’t see a need to fight Barney, but Barney charges at Cleveland and pins him against a rock. Barney starts throwing punches, a hook, a jab, all connecting with the rock behind Cleveland’s head as he’s too drunk to make a connection and can’t feel the pain. Then a boulder that was resting on the top of the rock falls on Barney’s head, splitting it open, fallen from the vibration that his fists caused on the rock. Cleveland screams and runs away.
Winner: Gravity Cleveland (5-6-1)
Friend who Likes the Wife
Morris “Moe” Lester Szyslak vs. Glenn Quagmire
Moe always carries around a shotgun to protect him from the drunks (he owns a bar, called Moe’s, for those who aren’t in the know, but if you’ve made it that far, then I’m surprised), and Quagmire has a large head. We don’t need to call CSI for this one.
Winner: Moe (6-6-1)
Characters who Have Animals as Their Names
Snake Jailbird vs. Giant Chicken
Snake starts out singing “I feel like Chicken tonight!” as they both start out trading blows. They get to the side wall where Wiggum is still trying to scale when Snake halts the fighting for a moment and walks over to Wiggum. Being Chief Wiggum, he asks Snake for some help up the wall, and he replies “Awesome. Come here little piggie!” He holds Wiggum’s hands behind his back and Chicken starts wailing on The Chief. After a minute or so, Wiggum collapses to the ground and they finish him off by kicking and punching him some more. The two start laughing until Snake shivs Chicken with a knife and runs off. “Alright!”
Winner: Snake (Apparently he fought the law and won) (7-6-1)
Mayor
Joseph “Joe” Fitzpatrick Fitzgerald Fitzsimmons Fitzhenry Quimby, Jr. vs. Adam West
Adam West was Batman. Batman! Insert “Pow” and “Smack” graphic cards here.
Winner: Batman (7-7-1)
Convenience Store Manager
Apu Nahasapeemapetilon vs. Mort Goldman
Apu opened a snack stand for his Quick-E-Mart and Mort helped him. They both made lots of money that day. That’s it. Not everyone has to fight. Plus, with a last name like Apu has, it would take the announcer five days to announce him (Fifteen if it was Harry Caray because he would keep getting sidetracked. What? Well, apparently Harry Caray died 9 years ago. You know what, we’ll try and get him anyway…).
Winner: Ghandi (7-7-2)
Kid Friends
Milhouse Mussolini Van Houten vs. Jake Tucker
Millhouse is one of those kids who when threatened, will beat someone’s ass to protect himself. It’s like what you’re supposed to go in Jail, um, so I heard… Ironicly, Jake doesn’t have a bottom. He also doesn’t have good depth perception since he has an upside-down face. Guess who can’t hit anything with his fists?
Winner: Millhouse (8-7-2)
Boy Who has Crush on Daughter
Ralph Wiggum vs. Neil Goldman
How can I put this nicely: Ralph isn’t smart. Neil is, though horribly socially awkward. Considering he’d just build a Voltron type contraption to crush Ralph, it’s not hard to see how this one will end. When Ralph meets up with Voltron, he’ll extend his hand and say, “Hi, My name’s Ralph, like the motorcycle mouse. I tried to get my pet mouse to ride a motorcycle, only his feet couldn’t reach the pedals.” Here’s how the scene plays out, thanks to Bambi vs. Godzilla:
Winner: Neil (8-8-2)
Sea-Fairing Captain
Captain Horatio McCallister vs. Shamus
Um, Shamus has arms and legs made of wooden pegs. That helps if you want to set yourself on fire, but not if you want to fight.
Winner: Captain McCallister (9-8-2)
Doctor
Dr. Nick Rivera vs. Dr. Hartman
Dr. Nick comes into the Arena saying, “Hi Everybody!” and the crowd goes, “Hi Dr. Nick!” and he gets jumped by Dr. Hartman with a scalpel and cuts a hole in his windpipe. I don’t like Dr. Nick. In the pic on the right, Dr. Hartman is the guy with the mustache. For those who are wondering why I didn’t pick Dr. Hibbert, I really wanted Dr. Nick dead. Simple fact.
Winner: Dr. Hartman (9-9-2)
Final Fight
Sideshow Bob vs. Greased Up Deaf Guy
You might wonder what these two have in common. Really, there is nothing. I just thought it would be funny to have one of the smartest evil geniuses around try and get a greased up deaf guy. This fight to decide the whole ball of wax comes down to a clown and throwaway character. After chasing him for a few minutes, Sideshow Bob has yet to catch Greased Up Deaf Guy, because he’s, well, greased up. Suddenly, Greased Up Deaf Guy trips over a rock and breaks his ankle. Sideshow Bob stands over his prey with a knife, saying that he’s finally done it, and so on and so forth, doing the usual bad guy monologue until the explosion disintegrates him and everyone else in the stadium.
For it was Stewie who got away and flew a jet over the arena and dropped a bomb, finally, killing Lois. Of course, everyone else who survived the earlier rounds were killed too, but that was a small price to pay to finally off “The Vile Woman.”
What? Did you think that if characters were dying, Lois wouldn’t get killed off by Stewie?
Winner: Stewie (9-10-2)
So, today’s overall winner is Family Guy, but just barely. In animation afterlife, Peter celebrates with the stadium crowd. Let’s watch:
Did I miss any match-ups? Anyone of these you thought would go differently?
The next time on If They Fought to the Death: two early 90’s family sitcoms with comedians in the lead roles. Wait, that sounds like every early 90’s sitcom. Who will it be? Only I know.
family guy is just plain bad and does not deserve to be in the same dimension as the simpsons
this was a bit off, you started off well but then you just started giving fam guy pity votes.
Flanders would win for neighbor.
Barney for overweight slow friend.
Apu, the doctor and the captain all should of won. Overall they are just too memorable where as the others are not at all.
Your fooling yourself giving family guy the edge. Simpsons has been on the air and still popular enough to stay, since 1989…cmon…admit your an idiot…do it.
did you notice you switched the order of simpsons wins and family guy wins at the end? plus, family guy is retarded
Fixed. - Robby
Stevie -
Um, Flanders, being a man of God who had trouble when his kids said “damn,” wouldn’t kill someone unless God said so. I didn’t see God there (it’s Good Friday, he died today), so he didn’t kill Joe.
Apu would see the money making opportunity there for his family and decide not to fight.
Barney’s a drunk. A dumb drunk. He isn’t training for NASA again. Cleveland’s a little slow, but not like Barney.
Plus Capitan did win. He’s fighting a guy with wooden arms and legs.
Hey, I like The Simpsons. I’ll go see the movie when it comes out. But it is interesting that lately it seems like The Simpsons humor is starting to border with Family Guy. hmmm?
Meh, Simpsons is far superior.
yeah this is retarted. Grandpa simpson almost killed hitler in WWII and would easily murder peters dad. and taking the easy out of having both homer and peter die was lame. Family guy was funny 3 years ago.
Wow, the characters match up so accurately that it is almost as if one show is ripping off the other.
this was done poorly, sorry.
Barney is actually a genius…who just gets drunk all the time. That’s his flaw, and that’s the running joke on The Simpsons. He’s also been in more fights than Cleavland. The Simpsons is no longer funny, but seasons 2-10 or so are absolutely classic. The orginal writers left, and the new episodes are horrible. Although I think Peter would be able to kill Homer just because he’s that much stupider and less sympathetic.
I agree with others whohav said this was poorly made.
Um, isn’t it Milhouse who has a crush on Lisa and not really Ralph? I mean Milhouse has always fantasized about getting married by Lisa all the time and Ralph only did it once. Also, the Simpsons have TWO doctors who would cream Dr. Hartman (Hibbert and Rivera) so it really isn’t fair that you would give the fight to family guy. Lastly, Joe would take on Wiggum and Flanders without even trying; he was in Special Olympics for Christ’ sake.
Winner: Bender who would use his robotic weapons to kill every character in both cartoons
The Simpsons collectively is the better show, of course. Its had so many great seasons, episodes, etc., to the point that is has become culturally iconic for not just Americans, but for many other parts of the world. I am not saying it has not seen a decline in its capacity to deliver humor-packed episodes, but Family Guy just has not put in the time to be on par with The Simpsons. And, to be fair, for being a relatively young show it [Family Guy] should be more consistently funny. Also, The Simpsons is much more intelligent and broad with its humor and satire, commenting on modern day political, religious and socio-economic issues with brutal but hilarious accuracy (at least it used to). On the other hand, Family Guy relies on random pop culture references one after the other as a crutch for its humor base. But the point that really irks me, and one that I think this pointless column makes clear, is that Family Guy is essentially a carbon copy of The Simpsons. Aside from Stewie, and some other minor characters that don’t really deliver that much humor or depth to the show, The Family Guy was a cash in on an already developed and successful formula. Which happens all the time in the entertainment industry, but if you’re going to steal, at least be better than the original, or deliver your product to an audience that is not familiar with the original. Christ, thats what Tarantino does all the time. I actually like The Family Guy, but I get a little frustrated when people play the comparison game between the two.
And also, to focus more on the point of the article, I agree that many Family Guy characters were given pity votes and that whomever chose the winners (the author) is a crack head.
It started out ok, but was just stupid at the end. I think Family Guy is funny as hell, but you still cant put them on the same boat as the Simpsons.
As for the scenarios… Dont forget Maggie is a deadly shooter. Ned is a maniac when he has to. Sideshow Bob is a genius, so is Barney when sober. For doctors, Hibbert is the main guy for the simpsons and would easily win that since he pulled a hunt-down on Bart coming out of everywhere. Grampa would also own since he’s an army maniac.
Family Guy rules, the Simpsons have been on too long - its a childrens cartoon. Its not on tv here but i doubt Homer would do half the stuff Peter gets up to.
ew
I love Family Guy because The Simpsons is just not that funny anymore.
although the simpsons is great, and has been for the last so many years, it’s old now. family guy is the new thing. i think this is rather funny..
Simpsons used to be funny. Hasn’t been for about 5 years or so now. It’s bad when I don’t even smile at the jokes, much less laugh.
Geez!
Lots of anger over a fantasy cartoon death match! I thought it was pretty funny.
Family Guy could be the most retarded show on the air. It’s like they took Homer Simpson and removed all traces of humanity while making him 20 times dumber to thnk up Peter Griffin. Family Guy is for dumb people that have ADD and don’t seem to care that plots and storylines don’t really exist in Family Guy. Seinfeld in it’s prime is the only Simpsons contemporary that could touch it.
Now hang on just a minute. Did we forget that Maggie shot Mr. Burns? Come on folks. Maggie would win, hands down.
how about a matchup between childhood stare-offs….the baby with one eyebrow vs. the angry monkey in the closet
Wow - Alot of simpson fanboys here.
They are both great shows. Simpsons may be passed its prime, but still great.
If some of you hated it so much, why did you keep reading. Tards.
Hey, ever heard of proofreading? I like your article … to a point … but being an English major and having to read spelling, grammar, and punctuation mistakes, as well as completely omitted words, makes me want to stab myself in the ear with a spoon.
There’s definitely a recency affect with the success of Family Guy. However, despite my LOVE for the Simpsons, I ABSOLUTELY LOVE FAMILY GUY!
It’s far more scandalous and risque than The Simpsons!
GOOD CALL!
Aaah big cam… just do it then! And proof read it when you read about it in the news the other day! … i mean for the love of God … do you think the article is in the category that even wants a proof read for grammer…!! ( P.S. i making the annoying mistakes with the capitals and overuse of the ‘.’ just to add to the effect )
As for the article itself, well , what can i say, i am a simpsons to family guy convert. Although one mistake i would like to point out, the boy who has crush on daughter would not be Raplh, it would infact be Milhouse! .. I MEAN HELLO!! it has always been milhouse!
smiletenshi Says:
April 6th, 2007 at 12:59 pm
Now hang on just a minute. Did we forget that Maggie shot Mr. Burns? Come on folks. Maggie would win, hands down.
Actually, in a recent(ish) episode, where the Simpsons Family take a road trip, and recount stories of revence, Homer admitted to shooting Mr Burns.
I suppose your explanations were alright, I love stewie dont get me wrong but the rest is just pretty average tbh. Using the ol “remember when you did so and so” and cue to a flashback is only funny for so long and they do that basically throughout every episode.
Don’t forget Maggie shot someone
Marge was also a crime fighter at one point
I believe most people are just plain stuck to their classics. The Simpsons used to rule, now they suck. Characters have changed, jokes aren’t that funny anymore (it’s not because they refer to politics that they’re good jokes. A joke has to make you laugh, remember?). I think Family Guy is just a mix of everything that’s actually funny : politics, pop culture, plain absurd humor, … The Simpsons are probably still on because of the comparison people make with Family Guy. Simpsons had a great career, they need to retire. Movie will suck ass for sure.
Okay so the creator of this post had specifically said this isn’t about who is ripping off the other show and which show is funnier so stop! I mean one lady says that Family Guy is better and then says she doesn’t even get the Simpsons. That’s just ignorant to judge a show you haven’t seen.
That being said, as many have already mentioned, this match up is seriously flawed. Stewie may be overtly talented, but Maggie is the superior one. Okay, so maybe the shooting of Mr. Burns was accidental, but she otally shot at Fat Tony when he came after Homer Sopranoes style. She keeps a shot gun in her crib. She has super human strength like when she overcame her fear of water and rescued her Dad from drowning. She’s found numerous ways to rig things together to get her pacifier back or escape or her crib, etc. You’ve got to be careful with those quiet ones.
And this guy seems to forget how buff and strong Ned is, and at the age of 60! No contest there either.
Grandpa Simpson’s abilities have already been well highlighted by another poster.
I could go on, but it obvious that if you really watch and compare both shows, Family Guy just can’t compete.
It is true that Simpsons has waned in recent years, but its been 18 years and they can still generate a lot of laughs. I will give credit to the Family Guy for rising from the dead twice, but they will never make it as long as the Simpsons has.
MAGGIE beat StewiE ???? ok All respect to the simpsons … although i do feel they are out of steam and family guy is in.. but still all respect to them still …. THAT IS ABSURD!… there is no way Maggie could beat Stewie
I’m not sure if you’re a genius or need mental help…either way, you made me laugh =D
That captain has 2 glass eyes, so Shamus would destroy him. Marge used to be a cop and can lift homer, therefore, having the strength to mess up Lois real good. Sideshow Bob’s master plans only get ruined by Bart and Lisa, no one else. nice try.
The guy can’t even add. Family Guy is a retarded combination of Simpsons, South Park and I love the 80’s.
Jesus .. seriously .. this should go down like this ..
Peter - Homer : Giant brawl. Both fight constantly through out the entire series. I would give it to the poster that these two might cancel each other out … fight for 3 days .. get drunk .. and forget about the whole thing.
Marge - Lois: Lois may be a brawler as is shown by multiple episodes, but marge is a trained Police Officer and was friggin deadly when she held that position. Tack on the fact that lois would probably talk smack at some point .. and you have now enraged the kung-fu house wife. Advantage - Marge
Bart .. Lisa .. Stewie and the pets were a no brainer. No Complaint there.
Grandpas - i could go either way. GSimpson was a killer in his prime .. but he is rather manic now .. i could see Peter’s dad taking that one.
Neighbors - Joe has no legs. Ned is a ripped body-builder, avid sports player and … has .. legs. He may be a man of god… but that didn’t stop the crusades, inquisition, Iraq war .. ect. ect. .. Advantage Ned.
Barney would friggin TROUNCE Cleveland. How you can possibly call yourself a man and claim that alcohol makes you a WORSE fighter … i just don’t understand. This isn’t UFC … he inhales liquid rage 24/7. Advantage Barney …
and then possibly the worst call ever … I’m sorry .. but the stewie dropping a bomb at the end was a total Fam Guy copout .. i understand this is a fake discusion about fake characters and you might of been trying to be funny … but if your not at least gonna play it out right .. what’s even the point? ..
If it’s a popularity contest you could have just posted their Ratings for the last 2 years and been done with it.
The two fights at the end are obviously pity votes. Otherwise, this was FUN and AWESOME. Cookies for everyone.
Just to remind you, not only did Maggie shoot Burns…she took out the mafia herself when they were coming to kill Homer in the episode where Homer had a security force.
This is inacurate! The Simpsons would beat Family Guy in any REAL contest! Plus, in his early days, Grandpa Simpson was way better than Francis Griffin! The Family Guy characters may be smarter, but they will NEVER be as funny and cool as the characters from the Simpsons.
Ok…..1. Dont you remember Maggie Sniping the Mob in an episode after who shot mr burns, plus as much as Stewie tries he never actually kills anyone. So maggie gets the edge, 2. Lois-Foo would definitely take down Marge so youre right there, regardless of the Alcohol, Homer was a professional boxer and after two swings by peter he’d be tired enough for Homer to just push over. Lastly,3. regardless of Smithers and his stapler, Mr Burns is Indestructible. Nothing can harm him, as he realized upon a visit to the Dr.
Excellent post and list.
I LOVE FAMILY GUY MUCH BETTER THAN SIMPSONS!!!! GO FAMILY GUY! THATS Y THEY WON!!!!!! IF YOU ARE A CLUBPENGUIN FAN GO TO http://www.cheatsandmore.wordpress.com
“as much as Stewie tries he never actually kills anyone”
Don’t you remember the episode where the cult leader (a Heaven’s Gate type of character) shows up at Stewie’s birthday party; and Stewie, believing him to be the doctor who delivered him into this world, kills him? It is in the episode where Meg joins a cult.
That is at least one confirmed kill.
These two shows would gladly lick the balls of something as great as Arrested Development. And Family Guy appeared in Arrested Development, so Family Guy wins.
Marge was a bodybuilder therefore she could easily beat Lois, also Homer is known for taking a lot of physical pain (falling of cliffs, cannonballs to the stomach, take punches from former heavyweight Drederick Tatum (Mike Tyson). Ned Flanders is actually buff an strong although you can’t tell until he doesn’t have his shirt on and with his instant prayer that gets result in seconds he can easily beat Joe. Apu gets shot multiple of times and is still alive and can outwork Morty the weak allergic to everything bitch.
Just to be contrarian and not take sides:
Both shows have their strenghts and their weaknesses. Both are enjoyable to watch.
This post had strenghts and weaknesses. It was enjoyable to read.
i am pretty sure family guy would kill off the simpsons if for no other reason than their family insanity. peter would run over them or something; stewie would anihilate them by some sort of ray gun device; meg would bore them to death, or try to date bart to the point that he commits suicide; lois would probably sex them to death, along with quagmire…
i think the only characters incapable of really messing things up would be brian, cleveland and the guy in the wheelchair whose name escapes me at the moment.
my humble opinion.
and… i am a huge FG fan.
Simpsons was classic but was way past its prime, and to anyone that says Family guy is a ripoff, get off your pulpit because simpsons gets a lot of inspiration from the flintstones (fat patriarich, smart wife, etc) and the honeymooners.
As far as the fights go here, pretty close all around. Marge is a wus, and gave up everything she tries so I think Lois wins hands down, she is a Tai-jitsu master afterall and beat the crap out of an entire bar worth of new-yorkers and her sensi.
Joe vs. Ned… I go with Joe, he’s taken many lives even from his chair and Ned is too passive.
Maggie V. Stewie, Instant death for maggie.
Barney vs. Cleveland… if Cleveland is pissed he could smack barney down no problem, remember when he almost killed Quagmire for sleeping with his wife, he was rage incarnate.
Lisa v. Chris, Chris would snap and kill her if she laid a hand on him because he doesn’t like to be touched.
Homer v. Peter… I think the dual death is appropriate, because they’d both likely die of alcohol poisoning.
Wiggum v. Joe, accidental death on Wiggum while looking down the barrel of his gun to see if it still works. He’s too fat and stupid to do anything while Joe is a supercop.
Francis v. Abe - I give this one to the popes roadie, abe may have been good in WWII but that was 60 years ago and Francis is still workin.
As for the others, pretty much right or I don’t care enough to go into detail.
wordpress hates my link for some reason, it is h 4 x three d . com, thanks a bunch for fixing!
A fun article. Good use of video links too, some calssics I hadn’t seen there!
Wow. Great work.
nice work , i liked the article robby ,anyway i would’ve prefered to see a fight to death between southpark and family guy as i believe the simpsons should remain untouchable..(even though i believe family guy is better than the simpsons ,but the simpsons are history :D)
by the way if you use googlefight.com you will get this..
The Simpsons 28,000,000 results
family guy 96,400,000 results
I thought this was funny, but I have to add just a little something to the wife-fight:
in response to:
Marge was also a crime fighter at one point
So was Lois. She got all Kung-fu awesome and beat the holy you-know-what out of everyone in town, including her kung-fu master. So that would be a close match. Until Marge starts having some nervousness and her hair comes out in large tufts, and Lois breathes one in and chokes to death, thereby losing to Marge. Hair asphyxiation. The ‘yeah, uh-huh’ way to die.
That is all.
Oh, and what about Groundskeeper Willie? If ever there was an ace in the hole…..
Awesome post!!! Loved it
The very fact that there are so many characters similar in Family Guy is the very reason WHY Family Guy should lose. Every character is a complete rip off (by Seth MacFarland’s own admission) of a Simpsons character.
This article was hilarious despite the glaring errors in logic and good grammar. Keep up the good work!
simpsons rule, family guy not!
Wow. Are people actually arguing this?
It’s funny. Period. Jesus Herbert Tap-Dancing Christ, these are cartoons. Enjoy the humor. Family Guy is hilarious. The Simpsons used to be hilarious.
Someone actually wrote, “Your [sic] fooling yourself giving family guy [sic] the edge. Simpsons has been on the air and still popular enough [sic] to stay, since 1989…cmon…admit your [sic] an idiot…do it.”
What is the world coming to? Hate on me all you want. I couldn’t care less. Please do so , however, using proper grammar…or you’re the idiot.
I vote for Simpsons all the way; Family Guy is just plain dull
And South Park yields 206,000,000 results…
Seriously though, Abe Simpson has still got it. He water skis wearing only his slippers when Mr. Burns is after the Hellfish treasure… I’m pretty sure he was also in a fight…
Marge also beat the living crap out of the entire town when she started body-building.
Maggie is also a genius, even though she doesn’t talk. She even shows more promise on the sax until Lisa takes it away. “Not for baby!”
Barney would kill anyone.
Sideshow Bob is too smart to be argued over.
Homer has probably been in more fights than any other character mentioned… and he’s still alive. He’s also a trained bodyguard. One nerve pinch and Peter’s out for the count. “Woo Hoo! In your face, space coyote!”
As for what Gezz said about Family Guy being on Arrested Development… Jason Bateman was on The Simpsons… so there.
It was a nice try though, too many cop-outs and typos, but whatever.
Did I mention Family Guy is just plain abbrassive at times for the last couple of seasons?
Simpsons is still more enjoyable throughout, probably cause I get more of the subtle references and I really felt South Park hit the nail head-on with their portrayal of Family Guy.
Also, Kevin Smith rules and he called Family Guy a “piece of shit”. His 6-episode series of Clerks is worth watching over and over more than any season of Family Guy.
Futurama is also more throughly enjoyable than Family Guy.
So is South Park. (duh)
and Metalocalypse.
Even American Dad, overall, is more enjoyable at times.
I’m going to sleep and never return now.
Family guy VS The simpson :]
wow that was a lot more in depth that i was expecting. nicely done. you have a lot of comments above that i didn’t want to read, but an opportunity for expansion could include hans moleman v. the creepy old molester dude, and how about julius hibbert v. ollie williams for token african american character.
Brilliant. Just brilliant. Love it.
But, point of fact, Batman has kicked Superman’s ass on several occasions. Something about his chi being strong, I dunno.
what about south park? or american dad? SP has gone way beyond anything the other two shows you mentioned will ever accomplish. american dad is worth a gander - it’s an acquireed taste. and king of the hill, not to mention - space ghost. gotta love that one.
i had my fun reading this blog.
and that’s what blogging is about, no?
i did not read the comments.
they were/are absolutely boring/nerdy.
oh yeah - my nephews all say that batman is a ‘punk’ he doesn’t have powers. only tools, but superman can fly and survive almost anything. of course. spiderman being the perfect mix of the two.
The Simpsons have always been one of my favourites - and I try to watch an episode if I’m watching TV and its on - but this is an hilarious match - thanks.
lol that was awesome but i think simpsons should have won but meh good job!
My sister actualy dated Marv Newland for a time. It was told that Bambi got squashed cause Godzila had heard that Bambi was gay and wanted Godzilla’s virgin ass, cause it smeled like General Tao chicken
Hey hey hey Robby. Very nice article but the Batman vs. Superman comment? I know it’s the comic nerd in me coming out, but Batman has kicked Supes’ ass like 4 or 5 times already. Supes has his powers, but doesn’t know how to fight, while Batman is one of the greatest strategic and tactical minds in the DC universe.
Family Guy is kinda left field……personally I like a joke to hit me hard, rather than be able to see ti wheezing it’s way up to speed. I think the Simpsons is kinda tired now, it’s had it’s run. I’ve seen many great Simpsons episodes, but also plenty of lame ones. It could also be that Family Guy is aimed more at adults with a bit more obscure humor.
Dunno about “in a fight” but my vote goes to Futurama …..erm….uhm…..and Family Guy.
Isn’t this kind of like comparing the great religions (Christianity, Buddhism, Islam, Judeism, Hinduism, etc…
to a bunch of people who just really love french fries a little to much. Simpsons being the great religions and Family Guy being the fat guys with salt on their lips.
One or two things to note:
Homer has a psychotic rage, can take a blow to the head and a cannonball to the gut, and turns violent for no reason. How can he not win??
Marge is a former police cadet and is the toughest broad around.
Maggie shot Mr. Burns! Come on!
Obviously you don’t watch the Simpsons as much or know the history.
On another note, this isn’t Batman vs. Superman. It’s more like Superman vs. Jughead from Archie Comics. The Simpsons is a legitimate classic, Family Guy is a crappy, second-rate copy that doesn’t deserve a head to head comparision like this.
why cant someone like both shows? if it makes me laugh, ill watch it.
and all you people who claim simpsons is so poignant with satire and cultural commentary, and so intelligent, you’re all moron’s.
futurama wipes the floor with both of these shows, and noone “got” it. it was too deep for you guys and thus i’m deprived of many laughs.
please wrestle bears
simpsons is no longer funny , when family guy came out people just realised how annoying some simpsons characters are i.e Marge a.k.a the worst female character ever wrote.
the worst mistake matt groening ever made was stopping futurama at its prime so they could dig the simpsons into a deeper hole of dullness.
if it wasnt for homer the simpsons would be about as funny as cancer and peter makes me laugh a lot more nowdays anyway.
Boooooo. Rematch =)
Sinmpsons all the way. Homer was a boxer, astronaut, human cannonball, police officer, and im sure a bullrider. He can slaughter Peter. Marge and steroids. Adam west sucks now and crooked Quimby can call on favors from Big fat Tony. Doctor Nick would offer free surgery and accidentally kill Dr. Hartman. Barney beat the hell out of someone cause he liked the same president(or something) as him. Flanders would bring out surpressed anger. Stewie would wanna hit maggie and while planning a pick up line maggie would snipe him(remember springshield?). Grandpa is crazy francis only talks big. Mort would die of overexposure or the cold when he stepped into the arena. Plus come on Apu has the stamina to father 8 kids! Lisa would say a complicated math problem like 3×3 and chris would die in a head explosion accident.
family guy is more relavate now
but i think that Mr. tucker should have won and joe should have won the second match
lol, funny post. And to the people who kept on saying that it’s poorly done, why did you even bother reading the whole dang thing? Tsk. It’s not a report for Science Daily, it’s a blog post about Family Guy and the Simpsons!
Fanboys are so funny at times.
You forgot Trisha Takanawa and Cookie…Token asian women…
As much as I dislike what the Simpsons have become in the last three…five…umm…seven years I’d say that Cookie would kick her arse…
eight years…
nine…
I hate the simpsons and I have never seen Family guy either so it was really silly for me to read, and I would spend my last penny on a book cuz you can really learn from books and they are fasinating and can last a lifetime.
I don’t know if this has been said yet, but in the first couple of comments someone noted that the Simpson’s humor has been coming to match that of Family Guy’s. Really? Do you honestly believe yourself when you say that? I think its interesting to note all the similar archetypes of people in both shows and note that one show had them 13 years earlier. Even if you think the Simpson’s have changed, which I do agree with and you believe they’ve changed for the worse they are still far better then family guy especially because Family Guy’s quality has gone way down and they’ve been around 1/10 of the time. If you want to see a show thats been around for awhile now and is still hilarious and coming on strong watch South Park, politically charged and always funny. As for those people that think Family Guy even holds water to the Simpson’s very well may be retarded, congrats.
The Simpsons is a great show and has been able to really stand the test of time. I only started watching it because my daughter discovered it a couple of years ago and fell in love with it. I can live without it but won’t complain too much if it is on.
The Family Guy is in a whole other league. It is so anti-PC, which I love. There are things that happen on the show that I go “OMG! I can’t believe they did that!” I have to confess I laugh a lot more when watching The Family Guy than I do the Simpsons. Lowbrow humor works for me.
What a great post, I would’ve given it to the simpsons about 5 years ago, but now Family Guy gets more laughs from me, so in that view it wins.
I’ll be watching for more of these
Very nice article
what happens when South Park comes and smashes both in the face?
two words: cartoon wars.
ok .. if you want cartoon wars , then call the entire family i say. I mean bring in the classic DUO of absolute bizaarre self destruction along with everything else next to them. BEAVIS AND BUTTHEAD!!
Shamus might have won… His father WAS a tree, after all… (Not that being half tree helps wwith anything…
Hi! Good job, and its funny. Personally I would have thought Barney would win, but whatever. I like Family Guy, but I think Simpsons is much better, but that’s just an opinion and a matter of personal choice.
I think you missed an important match up though. Krusty the Clown vs Pedophile Old Guy…… what’s your take on that?
Great post, I prefer the Simpsons myself although it is becoming quite dated and isn’t as funny as it once was… maybe it is because I’m getting a bit older and find Simpsons type humour a little less funny… who knows, all-time TV classic though.
I like it.
Simpsons is Classic I love it.
But Family Guy is the New Simpsons.
I think you got it right.
good Job
–CaRrIe–
The Simpsons used to be good. Family Guy is random and lame. They both should die.
seeing as how the simpson’s hasn’t been worth watching in close to 10 years, I think Family Guy is currently a better show. I think most of the match-ups are pretty interesting. The only outcome I disagree with is the ‘News Reporter’ one. The winner would clearly be Ollie Williams.
Very nice. Funniest blog I’ve read today
Horrible!!! The danm family guy is a bastard and the producer copied the simpsons! Disgraceful! (Yet very funny!)
Hilarious! Thanks for this!
Nice. Although I firmly believe that South Park would win a battle royale — Cartman kills everyone, and Stan/Kyle give a nice little wrapping up speech. As I recall, in the only episode of any of the shows I’ve seen which include characters from all three, the order was South Park, Simpsons, Family Guy (in a very, very distant last.)
Are you kidding? Peter Griffin kicks ass dude!
Awesome post! I’d go with the Simpsons, even though I’m a bigger fan of Family Guy.
-Matt
http://www.mattgunn.ca
“# W Says:
April 6th, 2007 at 11:01 am
“this was done poorly, sorry.”
”
Do a better job then idiot….
I would have to agree with the person who said Eric Cartman would win. I am yet another person who is tired of the Family Guy vs. Simpsons debate. But it is still fun to talk about. Anyway, I would give the current edge in which show is better to South Park. Matt and Trey are able to punch out episodes within 1 week of the show going on air that they are able to touch on current events very quickly i.e B.F.F episode (with Terri Schaivo references). Also, the creators of South Park do a great job of providing a great commentary on the events of our society with little kids who cuss and do crazy things. I enjoy all shows though and will keep watching. Oh yeah, to anyone mentioning Futurama, that was a good show, but it got cut too quickly. And you had to be semi-intelligent to get the show. But oh well…